Just a Theory.

I've never liked a song just because it has a good beat. Well maybe once or twice. Those Spice Girls and Hanson were the shit at one time. Mmmm Bop and Wannabe. Psh who could forget those kids!?!? I could deny it but I wont. I totally had the cds.

But 99% of the time i hear a song I like, its because the lyrics grab me in and I wont settle until I find the song, download it, look up the lyrics and analyze the hell out of it. Turns out I do this in all aspects of life. There really are two type of people in the world. a) People that try to understand the things that happen and make reason of them. b)And people that just accept what has happened, dust their hands off and move on.

Uggggghhh I so wish i was option B girl.

I've got this theory, there are two kinds of people in the world. There are lyric people and music people. You know, the lyrics people tend to be analytical. You know, all about the meaning of the song. They're the ones you see with the CD insert out like 5 minutes after buying it, pouring over the lyrics, interpriting the hell out of everything. Then theres the music people Who could care less for the lyrics as long as its just got like a good beat and you could dance to it. I dont know, somtimes it might be easier to be a music girl and not a lyric girl. But since Im not, let me just say this. Sometimes things find you when you need them to find you, I believe that. And for me its usually song lyrics

I could write an entire blog JUST on song lyrics and what they mean personally. hmmm. tempting.....


I just realized this blog has absolutley no rhyme or reason. There is no common thread, link or point. So sue me.  I really dont plan on having a plan. So if by some off chance you ARE actually reading this, I apologize for the "all over the place" vibe. I'm just trying to figure everything out.

the vicious cycle

I'm so tired of disappointment. It's crazy how the majority of the people I loved and cared about in the past year have just walked away from me, without so much as a look back. I say loved and cared in past tense, but obviously I love and care about THEM still or it wouldnt bother me a year later and I wouldnt be typing about them. It wasnt just a drifting a part- type parting. No- there were no words. No explanations. But there were Hurt feelings. Betrayal. Loss. Secrets. Lies. No Closure. All these things are like a big cloud that hang over my head everyday. i've done e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. in my power to fix what has been lost but like i said, they all just kept walking away. All of them. Some days the sun is out and things are fine. I can deal with it in that instant. But it never fails- the cloud hangs over me, stalks me and is never too far away. I see these people and they look happy and perfectly content with my absence from their life. What does that say about me? That I am that easy to walk away from? That I was that insignificant to their lives? 22, 6, 3 years- that's a long time to just be DONE one day. Maybe that's just me........

I've never believed in being bitter. E.V.E.R. But i dont do well with betrayal or lack of loyalty. And not when it's family. Or when it's people who I believed would never treat me this way. I dont know how these people could turn on literally overnight but that is what has happened. And to this day, over ONE year later, because of 6 people and their actions, I am heartbroken.

It's like the world fell off its axis and a big chunk of myself went missing by losing these people.

I just wish I could stop caring. Stop analyzing everything all the time. Just move on and not look back. But I guess I'm not wired that way. I cant just forget people.

I wish I could shake these people and ask them WHY? What happened? But that would involve them being a presence in my life. That would involve them to engage in conversation with me. That would involve them to take my phone calls or respond to my emails. That would involve them to give a shit.


Again, I just wish I could magically NOT care. But if I didnt care, I wouldnt be ME! And so, the vicious cycle continues.......