Writer's Block

I used to be so sure of myself. So sure of the people in my life. So sure of what I wanted. I'm not sure what happened to that girl.

What I do know. I miss her.

One of the Most Intelligent Things I've Ever Read

Daisaku Ikeda : whoever you are, you are pretty much brilliant! I truly believe every word.

Ideal love is fostered only between two sincere, mature and independent people. It is the inner struggle to polish these attributes that is the key. Real love is not two people clinging to each other; it can only be fostered between two strong people secure in their individuality. True love should be transformative, a process that amplifies our capacity to cherish not just one person but all people. It can make us stronger, lift us higher and deepen us as individuals. Yet, in the end, we can only partner with those who somehow "fit" us. The same is true of friendship. Only to the extent that one polishes oneself now can one hope to develop wonderful bonds of the heart in the future. We can lose ourselves in romantic attachment, but the truth is, the euphoria is unlikely to last for long. Indeed, the likelihood of undergoing suffering and sadness only grows over time. As long as we remain unable to redress our own weaknesses, we will be miserable no matter where or to whom we may take flight. We can never become truly happy unless we ourselves undergo a personal transformation. Daily life can seem all too drab and unexciting. Living itself can sometimes seem a strain, and few of us realistically expect what joy we feel to last forever. But when we fall in love, life seems filled with drama and excitement. We feel like the leading character in a novel. But, if you get lost in love just because you are bored, and consequently veer from the path you should be following, then love is nothing more than escapism. What you are doing is retreating into a dream world, believing that what is only an illusion is actually real.

Life is fleeting.

Today I was reminded like sometimes we all need reminding, that life is short and can be taken away from us at any moment. I sometimes get caught up in all the crap of this life and I lose sight of all the things and people that make this world a great place. I hate that I do that. I truly do. I could say I will try to do better but the truth is I think it is in my nature to recognize the pain and the shortcomings of life. I mean going into nursing, its what you see on a daily basis. And your heart goes out to anyone who hurts or is in pain.

But at the end of the day, I know things fall apart so that they can come together again. I am not religious. I do not get organized religion nor do i want to try BUT i have my faith and my beliefs and I thank God (not as often as I should) for all the blessings in my life. For the people in my life that have impacted me and taught me things only THEY could teach me. I love every single one of  you.

I love my family. I love my dog. I love my friends. I love my LIFE.

Getting My Fitness On

Started my official 20 pound slim down venture today. Got some blood work bacck-my stupid hormone and estrogen levels have skyrocketed and caused me to gain 15 pounds :( Luckily, I got prescribed some medicine that suppossedly causes the pounds to fly off  with proper diet and exercise. Went to the gym today and ate healthy. The one thing I'm going to miss the most is my daily one or two Dr Peppers. Cant believe I went  2 years without one. Nursing school got me hooked on those babies, as well as coffee. blah. I will just have to suck it up and cut my losses.

That whole moderation key tip is bullshit. If I cant self indulge alll the way I cant have it or I WILL drink it/eat it!

Wow...just realizing what a lame post this is.

I'm sleepy. Calling it a night.

Liberated.

"OUR DEEPEST FEAR IS NOT THAT WE ARE INADEQUATE. OUR DEEPEST FEAR IS THAT WE ARE POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE. IT IS OUR LIGHT, NOT OUR DARKNESS, THAT MOST FRIGHTENS US. WE ASK OURSELVES, WHO AM I TO BE BRILLIANT, GORGEOUS, TALENTED, AND FABULOUS? ACTUALLY, WHO ARE YOU NOT TO BE? YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD. YOUR PLAYING SMALL DOESN'T SERVE THE WORLD. THERE'S NOTHING ENLIGHTENED ABOUT SHRINKING SO THAT OTHER PEOPLE WON'T FEEL INSECURE AROUND YOU. WE ARE ALL MEANT TO SHINE, AS CHILDREN DO. WE ARE BORN TO MAKE MANIFEST THE GLORY OF GOD THAT IS WITHIN US. IT'S NOT JUST IN SOME OF US, IT'S IN EVERYONE. AND AS WE LET OUR OWN LIGHT SHINE, WE UNCONSCIOUSLY GIVE OTHER PEOPLE PERMISSION TO DO THE SAME. AS WE ARE LIBERATED FROM OUR OWN FEAR, OUR PRESENCE AUTOMATICALLY LIBERATES OTHERS."

-MARIANNE WILLIAMSON